I was twenty-five years old, single, living with my parents, and had just received a promotion to a director. I was settling into a career path and enjoying the single life. I didn’t have to answer to anyone, went to Bikram yoga daily, trying to rediscover New York and enjoying my freedom. I had moved back in with my parents after quitting my teaching job in Philadelphia. I felt too young and unprepared for a child.
Some will read this and think, with others having children at sixteen and even younger, my age should not have been a factor in my feelings of being unprepared. Well, it was. See, I had a plan. Ah a plan. Plans are a funny thing when you deviate from them. My master plan was as follows:
1. Obtain a well paying career with upward mobility.
1. Obtain a well paying career with upward mobility.
2. Save money.
3. Move into my own place.
4. Meet the perfect man.
5. Get married in Barbados.
6. Write a bestselling novel while attending grad school for my Masters and Ph.D.
7. Have children.
Unrealistic? Reality is whatever perception of life we choose to take. Knowing what little of myself that I do understand, all of my goals were obtainable. I’m a very stubborn and determined individual. So, when I set my mind on something I work until it’s attained. Seeing that flashing announcement deviated from my plans. What now? What next?
I immediately called the expectant father. I’ll call him Ramón. That sounds like a player’s name. No offense to anyone named Ramón. I’m sure you’re great. As the phone rang, I felt my stomach tighten with each dial. Ramón and I had ended our situation two weeks prior. I had no plans of ever speaking with him again. Here went another deviation. When Ramón answered the phone he greeted me by saying, “This ought to be good.” I knew it wasn’t. I said, “Look, I’m pregnant.” His response, “Who’s the father?” What a complete ass. No further conversation needed. Unfortunately, that would not be the last time I had to speak with him.
What now? What next? From the brief conversation I had with Ramón, I already knew he wasn’t going to be there from me and probably not this child. I couldn’t tell my parents. They wouldn’t have approved. I wasn’t married. They hadn’t even ever met Ramón. I just got offered my promotion but I hadn’t signed my contract yet. Would my boss still give it to me once he found out? I didn’t have enough money to move out yet. I started to think that maybe I shouldn’t keep this child. I mean I was pro choice, but an abortion was never a choice I thought I’d face.
Who do you call in a time of crisis? None other than your best friend. I’ll call her Joy. Joy and I had been friends since fourth grade. I trusted and loved her unconditionally. I knew she would be there for me no matter what decision I made. As the phone rang, I felt no anxiety. I knew acceptance awaited the other end of the dial tone. When Joy answered I blurted out, “I’m pregnant.” I didn’t even wait for a salutation. “Well good morning to you too and congrats,” was her response. Congrats? Congrats? What was there really to be congratulated on? Look at my situation. But Joy explained that no matter my situation, a child was a blessing not a burden and that God wouldn’t have given me this blessing if I wasn’t ready. She was right. I didn’t really need Ramón, just faith.
After going to Planned Parenthood to confirm the pregnancy, it was time to create a new plan. It would be one which now incorporated my son (I knew from a dream I had that I was carrying a boy). I was determined to still achieve my goals. What better reason for accomplishments then to leave a legacy for my child. The question became, how was I going to prepare for this blessing and maintain my career path? What now? What next?
